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Ripple Effect, Part One

It was a cool and misty Autumn morning when a stranger showed up to the house nestled between the woods and the farmlands on the outskirts of the city where the King of the Britons lived in his castle. In this humble home lived a farming family- Father, Mother, and 3 children. It was as the family was finishing their breakfast, readying themselves for the day’s work, when the stranger rapped upon their door.

Father, expecting no guests, was confused but happy to speak with any who’d seek him out- it could be anyone from a soldier or messenger from the city to a wayward stranger seeking to confirm he’d reached the correct city. Upon opening the door, he immediately assumed the latter, as the man wore an astonishingly clean white cloak embroidered with golden designs on the trims, the hood drawn to cover his eyes.

“Good morning, stranger,” Father greeted the cloaked figure, “what brings you to our home this day?”

The man smiled. “Is this the home of Othryn the farmer?”

“Aye, I’m Othryn. Come in, stranger, and sit with us. You can tell me about why you came on the condition that it’s good news!” Othryn chuckled, then added, “And of course, I can’t be calling you stranger! What is your name?”

Pleased that he was received so well, the stranger entered the house and said, “My name is Lugalbanda. It’s quite a mouthful, so call me Lu.” As Lu sat at the table, he said, “I do bring good news, on the condition that you believe me.” He kept his smile, a smile that couldn’t be less intimidating.

“I like the sound of that, Lu,” said Othryn. “But first, I must introduce my family. This is my wife, Arwnn,” he gestured toward a kindly woman of auburn hair, only the crow’s feet on her eyes belying her age. He then pointed out the children, “My oldest, my daughter Ceirwn, my son, Gwndyr, and my youngest son, Gaewyn.”

Lu turned toward each of the children, though none of them could tell exactly which way his eyes were pointing. Ceirwn and Gwndyr looked to be strong children of maybe 13 and 11 respectively, both nearly identical to their father. Gaewyn, about 8, had his mother’s auburn hair, but unlike her eyes of stunning green, his were pale and evidence of a life that the boy had never actually seen. What Lu already knew, but couldn’t be seen while they sat at the table, was that Gaewyn had never walked, either, his legs misshapen and useless. The child had never gotten the chance to be a child the way his older siblings had. Lu hoped to change that.

Still smiling, he said, “I see bright futures for all four- yes, even the one you haven’t quite met yet. Young miss, you will marry well and be the blessing of your husband’s life, and you’ll have more say in the matter of a happy life than he will by far. Gwndyr, you will travel with soldiers, but you will sow peace with your words and be rewarded justly.”

“And Gaewyn,” he turned toward the boy who could not see him, and after the slightest pause, said, “you will know a life that most men could never imagine. You will be the guide to a king who will save Britain from perhaps its darkest days. Your name will be known for a thousand generations, and you will ascend from history into myth and legend.”

Lu now turned to Othryn, whose smile was now a sad one. His eyes were wet but nothing like the tears that Arwnn shed silently behind her children.

Othryn spoke first. “These are kind words, Lu. I am honored that you see such greatness and such happiness in my children’s lives.” It was then he let out one shuddering breath before continuing with the fortitude of a man who was not just strong for his family, but strong because they gave him strength.

“My family is all that matters to me in this world. To know that they will be happy until their last days makes me proud.” He wiped a tear from his eye before saying, “Your prediction for Gaewyn is quite something. How will he achieve that greatness from the humble beginnings of a farmer’s son?”

The euphemism was carefully constructed and expertly delivered, but it was obvious to all what he meant. Lu took that to mean that they believed in their son as a person, they were raising him to be as selfless and kindhearted as they were, but they let on without words that none of the kingdom’s physicians, magicians, or priests of any god had seen any success.

His smile softened, more loving than any who’d met the child before. “He will achieve this greatness because I will train him. It may seem hard to believe, but I did challenge you to do just that. I’d like to show you something, but please trust that I would not bring any harm to you or your family.”

When they nodded hesitantly, he spoke again. “I know that Gaewyn’s eyes can be unsettling to those with less love in their hearts, but I wear my hood this way for nearly the same reason. These are mine.”

With that, he slid the hood of his cloak back, revealing soft hair that looked as if it were spun from gold. When he lifted his head, the four humans who could see let out tiny gasps. What they saw were eyes of sulphur yellow, that almost seemed to glow, and yet they made his face more beautiful than it could have been otherwise- which is to say that he would have been the most beautiful person any of them would ever see as it was, and the unsettling eyes somehow made him more angelic.

“I know, they’re quite a shock. I’ve had them my whole life, the whole life of every man, woman, and child who has ever lived. I’m as old as time and I’ve fought even my own brother to protect mankind. You’ve always held a special place in my heart.” He turned those timeless eyes to Gaewyn once more, losing his smile and becoming serious for the first time since meeting the family.

“That’s why I’ve come for Gaewyn. My role in humanity’s future is going to move ever further into the background. There will come a day when the part I play is only the ferryman to the next life, so I now travel the world, teaching people like Gaewyn.”

The characteristic grin spread on his face once more. “I don’t ask you to believe me with no proof. I’d like to heal him, give him eyes that see and legs that walk. What would you have me do to prove that I can do that?”

Othryn sighed. “I trust that you mean well, if only that you seek to prove yourself. If I’m honest, I don’t know what I would have you do. Annwn?”

Annwn took several deep breaths before she spoke with a voice that conveyed the strength of a mother who would face an army to protect her children and the softness of a woman who would rather see a world that never knew war and chaos.

“Can you let me see my younger brother? You said you were to be the ferryman, so I can assume you’ve already taken that role. Let me see him and speak to him.”

Lu smiled, somehow more light shone in his eyes. “It is done.” And with the snap of his fingers there was another knock at the door.

The room went quiet, so quiet that you could almost hear the heartbeats of the family. Annwn walked to the door and made every attempt to steady her hand before opening it. When she did, she let out an audible gasp, brought her hands to cover her mouth, and dropped to her knees. At that point, she was eye-level with a boy identical to her youngest son. Identical to her. This boy was Gannan, the twin brother just a few minutes younger than her. The twin brother she’d lost when they were 9 years old, who fell out of the cart on their way to the market and was crushed under the wheels. He looked just like he did that morning before they left their house.

Tears streaming down her face, she turned to Lu, who gave her a nod. With that, she threw her arms around Gannan and wept. She told him how much she’d missed him, how she never went a day without thinking of him, and that she was sorry. And Gannan held her, his twin who had seen twenty-four years since that day. He didn’t make a sound, but wore a tearful smile. After a few emotional minutes, Annwn’s sobs grew quiet. That gave Gannan the chance to speak at last.

“Annwn, I’ve missed you, too, but I’ve watched over you from the next world every day. You have no reason to be sorry- you could never have prevented what happened to me and that’s fine. I wish I could have been at your wedding to heckle your husband, and I wish I could have held my niece and nephews on the day they were born. But I’m happy where I am, and I feel no hunger, no pain, and no suffering. And when Lu brings you to me, you’ll be just the same. He’s brought all of us- even cranky old Grandmother Haddyn made it here and not some place of torment.”

Annwn smiled, gave what could only be described as a half chuckle, half sob, and said, “Gannan, your words make me happy. I love you so much, and seeing you again is among the greatest blessings I’ve ever been granted. But how can I know this is really you, and not some illusion? I want to trust that it’s you, but you look just the same as you did after more than twenty years, and we put you on a pyre. Please understand. Can you tell me something only Gannan would know, a secret we shared?” She longed for that confirmation, and it showed on her face.

Without hesitation, the boy leaned forward and whispered into her ear, “When we were seven, we found a bear cub in the woods. It was badly injured and barely alive, but we sheltered it and fed it. It died in the night and we buried it the next morning and prayed that it would be without pain in the next life. We never told anyone and no one ever saw us. The bear cub is with me on the other side, and we play every day.”

So quietly that only Gannan heard her, Annwn whispered, “It really is you...” Then she stood and turned to her family. “Othryn, children, this is Gannan. This is my twin brother. This is the brother you never knew, Othryn. This is the uncle our children never met. It’s really him.”

The reunion continued for another half hour. Gannan gave his approval of Othryn, what he would have done 14 years ago when he married Annwn. He told the children about the games he and his sister played all those years ago. It was a time of love and laughter, and Lu seemed to be holding back his own tears when he spoke up.

“I wish I didn’t have to bring this to a close, but Gannan needs to return to the other side. I would love nothing more than to let him stay longer, but we would risk him not being able to go back. He could end up trapped between the worlds, and as much power as I have, I cannot undo that. It’s best he returns now, and when it’s your time, I will bring you to him.”

None of them wanted to end the reunion, but with sad smiles, they exchanged their goodbyes and embraces. Gannan saved his sister for last. She knelt before him, he held her tear-stained face in his hands, and kissed her forehead.

“I don’t want to leave, sister, but I must. Trust Lu. He’s perhaps the kindest person any of us will ever meet. He will take care of Gaewyn. And he will reunite us when the time comes. I love you.” He hugged his sister for the last time before she passed on to the next world, then looked to Lu. The ferryman gave him a nod and he walked out the door. As he walked he seemed to fade, before disappearing entirely.

As everyone wiped tears from their eyes once more, Lu cleared his throat and said, “I hate that. I do. I’ve spent the entirety of human history trying to end suffering where I can, caring for those whose time has come, and I hate ripping him away from you again. I’m sorry, Annwn. I wish I could have let him stay with you.”

Annwn started to laugh, a happy laugh with salty tears. She stood and turned to Lu. “Lu, you’ve nothing to be sorry for. You gave me the chance to see my brother and give him a proper goodbye. I cannot thank you enough. I trust that you will care for my son as you’ve cared for my brother.” She turned to her husband.

Othryn crossed the room and held his wife close. He looked into her eyes and said, “If he has gained your trust, he has gained mine. There is just one thing before we let him take our son from us.” Still looking at his wife, he addressed their guest, “Will we see him again? I can’t bear the thought of not seeing my son again until we’ve both passed on.”

Lu sighed and looked down at the table. “I cannot keep you from him or him from you. Not after I’ve seen up close how much family means to you all. He has much to learn, lifetimes’ worth. I can bring him home for one day every five years, but no more. Can you accept that?”

Othryn put his forehead to his wife’s. “Gaewyn, my son. I do not want to lose you. But I do not want to keep you from the life he promises. This is not about what I want, though. This is your choice to make.”

No one spoke, but Gaewyn didn’t need to have his own eyes to know that five other sets were turned to him, awaiting his response.

It’s been a while

So I’ve kinda let this blog go a bit and I feel terrible about it. On the upside, I’ve got nearly enough Lu stories to put together an interesting manuscript and possibly beg someone to publish it. I’ve got a friend giving me some peer feedback, but the next post is going to be part one of a potentially four-part story. That’s right. Lu is so easy for me to write about that now he’s getting a 4-parter. Stay tuned!

A Very Good Boy

Nicholas was a good kid. Not perfect, but good. His grades were typically around the B+ to A- except for the computer science class his school started offering. A 17-year-old junior, he wouldn’t have been allowed in, as the class was only being offered to seniors, but the guidance counselor had given him a fair deal: if he could produce 3 recommendations from teachers alongside his 3.4 GPA, he could take the class. By the end of the day, that guidance counselor was delivered a stack of 8 recommendations. Each teacher, regardless of the class he took with them, had gushed over how he was such a delight, had troubleshooted and resolved dozens of issues with computers and equipment for presentations, and how he seemed to genuinely enjoy solving problems and helping others. Nicholas received the good news the next morning when he was called into the office.

He was just as good at home, too. As soon as he got home, he’d have a snack and get started on his evening routine. First he would connect his phone to the family’s Bluetooth speaker in the living room and play his favorite weird, niche music, mostly odd sounding EDM. Once the music was on, he’d get to the chores. His mom had been single for years, and his older sisters had already grown up and moved out, so he did a lot of housework so his mom didn’t have to do it when she got home from work. He’d do any cleaning except for the master bedroom. He left his mom’s bedroom, bathroom, and laundry alone. He would probably clean them too if his mom would let him. She appreciated it immensely.

Once he’d done two or three chores, he’d get started on his homework. He’d usually finish up about an hour before his mom got home. In that time, he’d do what any teenage boy would do with a house to himself, and it involves his computer and some supplies he kept hidden from his mother. She respected his privacy since he never gave her a reason to be suspicious. If she found the shoebox he kept under his bed, she would leave it unopened and say “As good as that boy has been to me and everyone else, who cares if he smokes a little weed or has magazines he shouldn’t?”

He did smoke weed, it was just in his desk. And he preferred his imagination. No, he was giving in to a different guilty pleasure. He was going to get obsessive about YouTube for a while.

He knew his obsession with career YouTubers would seem odd and might make people uncomfortable, so he kept it to himself. Not even his best friends knew, and for good reason. As he watched a few of his favorite social media stars, he would unpack his box. If you could imagine a bizarrely complex pop-up book of photos and red strings on maps. Like I said, there’s a good reason he kept it a secret.

About a month before this story takes place, some YouTubers started going missing. A week before this story, they found the first body. If people found out he had a stalker-box and divided his internet time into 15-20 minutes of genuinely enjoying the content and the remaining 40-45 minutes on research, it would be a disaster.

He was good with computers, remember? It had only taken him 2 months to find out where several of them lived and worked, where they went, what they drove, and their schedules. For some of them, he’d even found all of that on their closest friends and families. All of the information he needed to find them was stored inside his box.

That brings us to April 14th, 2019. He’d turned on the news to see if they’d found the latest victim. As the anchor delivered the unfortunate development, Nicholas gave a sigh and put a red sharpie “X” on a picture of her face, gathered his research on her, and placed it in an envelope at the bottom of the box. There were three now, he’d have to get rid of these later. He’d probably burn them soon so no evidence remained.

Without a second thought, he moved on. Tonight was a special night, a divergence from his norm. He was going to go out tonight. Based on all he knew, and inspired by a new video posted on his favorite gaming channel, he just had to strike tonight.

After he had dinner with his mom, he told her he was going to a friend’s house to play games because that friend had just been dumped by his girlfriend and needed a distraction. It was spring break for him, so she told him to spend the night if he wanted to (and his friend’s parents allowed it) and praised him for being such a good friend. Hopefully, he thought, she would never find out the truth.

Not long after, he bounded out of the house down to his very used car wearing dark jeans and a black hoodie, carrying with him a deep-red duffel bag. He then sped off toward the LA suburb that gaming video had been filmed in. He was going to have to wait until about 5:30 in the morning, but it would be worth it, and there was plenty for him to do before he needed to be in position. He could barely contain his excitement.

The victim-to-be was the host of that gaming channel, Jeff. But being a handsome, healthy gamer for the sake of that character requires a lot of hard work. Every morning at (or close to) 5:30 he would be jogging, and if he was on schedule, at that time he would be approaching a small chunk of his route that was the ideal location for a kidnapping. The other three were pretty blonde girls, so Jeff wasn’t concerned at all, so he’d most likely be right where he was predicted to be.

Nicholas was in place at 4:30 AM. It was an hour before the gamer boy would be there, but it paid off. He eventually saw his prey, heading straight for the most dangerous patch of the path. Nicholas was going to have to time his strike perfectly, he couldn’t afford to make a mistake. With a mask obscuring his face and a homemade projectile launcher whose components had never been touched without gloves, even and especially now.

Nicholas steadied himself, inhaled, and fired. His projectile, an arrow made from a sharpened wooden dowel with the tip dipped in an equally homemade sedative that is too illegal for your narrator to feel comfortable discussing any farther, and card stock, hit its mark. An unsuspecting boy crumpled to the ground, and though he wasn’t dead, he likely would be if someone didn’t find him soon. But Nicholas wasn’t done, not yet.

He was proud of his accomplishment, so he was going to show it off. He tied the dying boy with ropes to keep him from going anywhere if he managed to try. He also blindfolded the boy so that if he regained consciousness, he wouldn’t see his captor. He pinned an envelope to the boy’s shirt that read “it’s up to you if he lives or dies”. With that, he threw the boy’s body onto the path to be discovered later and scrambled to get out of dodge. He was even home by 6! He’d just say to his mother that he’d been up until 5:30 trying to console him and that he’d finally passed out. After that, he’d come home because that friend snores, so he left a note and came home. She’d buy it.

He was home, but he wouldn’t be going to sleep just yet. Given where he’d just been, there would be a news crew on location almost as soon as the police. He tuned in right at the beginning of the program.

There were already reporters there, he’d timed everything just right. They found his body, and he hoped to see more. He gave a very enthused air punch in triumph when they aired the interview with the person who found the body.

It was none other than our YouTuber, Jeff. When he’d found the body, he called 911 immediately (thank god these Millennials are addicted to their phones, right?). The paramedics left his clothes and the envelope with the police. The witness says to the police that he is here every day and has never crossed paths with anyone at this time of day. He feels like he’s the one the letter is addressed to. It feels like a warning, or a threat. And with YouTubers going missing, if you are a YouTuber and you come across a dead body in a place that almost no one knows that you go, much less when you are going to be there, it seems more than a little suspicious. So they allow him to watch them open the envelope. It was, indeed, addressed to him, and it read:

“Jeff,

I’m a huge fan, I’m not going to lie. And I don’t want you to freak out too much, but the guy this letter is attached to was trying to kill you like he killed those girls, the ones that are considered missing aren’t with us anymore either. Along with this letter, you will find evidence of him that confirms he is the same person who committed those crimes. It also includes the methods by which he found you, and how I found him. I just couldn’t stand to see any of you get hurt, I just wish I could have caught him sooner. Honestly, I caught him because of his comment on your new video about FPS games. And I know this is going to the police, so for them I’ve included the locations where I believe he left the bodies. I hope you find them so their families can grieve as they need to and finally find closure. You will never know who I am, so don’t worry about thanking me for saving your life. Just go out and live it.

-anonymous “

April 15th was a very lucky day for Nicholas. He’d been invited to a bonfire. It wasn’t just any bonfire, though. See, his school had a tradition that was absolutely saturated in old, witchcraft-style magic. The students organized this event separately from the school, but it had been going on for so many years that no one put a stop to it. No one ever got hurt, no one drank, and it always had a very positive effect on the students. Part of the tradition was what you burned. You could burn anything you wanted to, within reason. You could burn up a wish you wrote down, your ex-boyfriend’s t-shirt, a letter filled with things you want to move on from, or even a box whose construction and contents would never be known to anyone, ever.

Nicholas went on to become a software engineer with a very comfortable salary. He never thought back to the night he saved someone’s life. He did not revisit burning that box. Nicholas moved on, but those affected by his actions did not. They would never know the identity of the man they dubbed “the Guardian Stalker”. And because the man who killed innocent content creators out of a psychotic obsession died from the wounds inflicted by a vigilante, Nicholas had quite literally gotten away with murder. He always was a good boy.

In The Beginning

The concept of the afterlife has been debated by philosophers and theologians, scholars and farmers, thinkers and drinkers, since the concept found us as a species. Even having met the gods, humans are limited in what we can understand, and because the stories on which we base our religions are all shared at the individual level through centuries, they take on new details and lose old ones even before they become a religion we recognize. It’s not that any of us are right or wrong, we’re all right and wrong at the same time, even down to the names of our gods.

One such figure had his name established by the early inhabitants of Mesopotamia as Meslamtaea, though he soon became known as Girunuggal, though Nergal was his favorite for a long while. He was the god of the underworld, our very first afterlife plan. Before the gods had given that to us, before we had developed any concept of religion, we were all defaulted to reincarnation, just as all animals are. Once a species develops an awareness of themselves as a whole, it is time for the gods to create options. The problem with hominids is that we started doing this as separate species, all of whom developed at an alarming rate. As a result, this underworld was a sort of bandaid while the gods, Nergal included, worked out a working solution.

In fact, he was even the head of the pantheon of gods related to the underworld, who formed a kind of think tank- a death committee, if you will. They decided, largely due to Nergal’s love for and facination with humans, that people would decide their own afterlives. He wanted them to decide for themselves whether they should live happy, eternal lives or suffer unending torment. And he knew they could be creative.

He went through several name changes before he became integrated in the other religions that were cropping up. He had been Meslamtaea, then Girunuggal, then Nergal, and sometimes even Shamash, so he knew they were creative enough to do this quickly. And he fell in love when they came up with a play on his name: “Ne-uru-gal”, which meant “light of the great Uru; lord of the great dwelling.” And when he was called Lugalbanda, he became their champion, for they had given him the name he never knew he wanted: “Lu”.

Because he loved them so much, he wanted to personally ferry each of them to their designated afterlife. The worst thing that happened to his beloved humans was the advent of the Abrahamic faiths. As they once again became afraid of death and of anything that wasn’t sent by their God, Lu was deemed evil. As one who sought to bring light into their world in the way of bringing comfort to their ideas of the afterlife, when he was the one who dragged them to their Hell, they called him Lucifer. This is how he has branded himself since then, and he still gets to go by Lu.

It has been easy for him to keep his old nickname. The Abrahamic faiths are the most major religions in the world, comprising roughly 54% of the global population, in part due to the myriad of horrendously violent wars fought in favor of their persistent proselytizing. Being such a violent group, with their goals not being to protect or provide for their homes but rather to spread their beliefs and kill all those opposed, they are also the religions with the largest, most densely populated Hells.

Lu didn’t mind being the bane of Christians and Muslims because they had thrown off the balance of his afterlives. They had missed his point, the one he made to convince the other gods, and as a result, pulled a complete 180 and ended up sending a wildly disproportionate number of their believers into their worst possible afterlives. He’s used that as a tool for relieving his frustration. When you’re demonized and those who demonized you send themselves to Hell, it’s easy to play the part of King of Demons, Prince of Darkness. Taking humans on a thrill ride from unsettling entrance down to horrifying forever is his catharsis.

But for those who don’t use violence as a socio-political tool, who instead just want others to feel love and respect, he has a soft spot in his heart. He steps lightly, speaks softly, and remains relaxed, all in an attempt to soothe his children the same as any parent would. Lu will do any and everything for the good eggs, going so far as to offer them their choice of afterlife directly. He wants you to know that you are why you are here, and you alone have the power to decide.

And to this day, Lu, like many of the old gods, keeps to the shadows when he is not needed to perform his duties. None of them ever wanted too much, really. But they also know that the trend in beliefs over the last two millennia means that if they present themselves, they will be most likely called demons, with those who do believe them being persecuted as a result. So they hide, and they wait. They worked so hard to get us to a point where we could take care of ourselves, they want to see it through. They want to reconnect with us and keep us going; they’re our family, after all. But what does Lu want, in particular?

Remember, Lu loves humans. He hates the tremendous headcount of the various Hells. What the Fallen One wants is to see more angels soaring than ever. So whether he’s there to reward you or escort you into your eternal damnation.

When you meet him, you’ll notice that his sulphur-yellow eyes are hidden from view by dark sunglasses. He wears them for two, intertwined reasons. When you love someone with all your soul, you will shed as many tears for their pain as you will for their pleasure. Whether you’re bound for eternal flames or immortal bliss, Death himself will cry for you. No matter where you end up going, don’t hate the messenger. The beautiful, golden-haired boy who is aglow with mystery and magic will carry your memory in his heart forever. Each of us is in his care. All of us are the light that he bears, and he will carry us with him until the end of time, his tears forever hidden from us by black lenses.

If you like the story so far...

... GET GEARED UP! There’s an origin story in the cards, I’m working it out now. I spent yesterday fine tuning my plan, so I should have it ready to go sometime in the next couple days. Stay tuned for more.

I know this blog has like no followers at all but like if you’ve got a request, something about my stories or a concept you’d like me to explore, feel free to submit. I can always write one-shots while I’m working on the other ones. I also have two completely separate story ideas, but those are going to end up being strictly one-shots and not series.

Love’s A Bitch

Robby Tailor was your average teenager. He had decent grades, a couple friends, and a family that loved him. He never seemed to cause anyone any problems.

When he was 17, his family moved to a small, rural town in the middle of nowhere. His father worked for a grocery store chain had been asked to help open and run a new store in this tiny town. The thing Robby liked most was that it was quiet.

It didn’t take him long to start making friends with the kids at his new school. One of them in particular drew him in like a magnet. He was cute, kind, and funny, and his name was Jimmy Baker.

Jimmy had invited him to hang out on several occasions, and they were actually getting pretty close. They would go swimming in the creek, ride their bikes around town, go to see movies, and stay up until the wee hours of the morning talking about anything and everything. Robby was falling in love.

One day, though, Jimmy changed. He had decided (or his father decided for him) that he would carry on the family tradition and become a preacher. He started carrying his Bible around everywhere, and started talking about God all the time. It didn’t bother Robby at first, since it was almost always about loving your neighbor and living a life in honor of Christ.

When gay rights movements started cropping up everywhere, though, Jimmy wasn’t as pleasant anymore. He talked about how hom*osexuality was a sin. Robby loved him anyway.

One day in midsummer, as they sat in the shade of their favorite oak tree after a dip in the creek, Robby decided to test Jimmy’s faith. He knew that Jimmy believed it to be a sin, that they were going to Hell, but he wanted to know more.

He asked his friend what should be done about the hom*osexuals if they were such a problem. This turned out to be quite the mistake. His heart broke when Jimmy told him the Bible was very clear that they should be put to death. They should be stoned, killed, eradicated, exterminated.

Robby knew that if he hung around, one of two would be hurt. He began distancing himself in the following weeks. Their senior year of high school, they didn’t hang out even once. After graduation, he moved away, never to see the boy he loved again.

Shortly after that, Robby met a sweet girl named Rebecca Waterson. She knew about Robby’s sexuality, but she didn’t care. They took care of each other the best they could.

What she couldn’t do was stop the intense depression he entered in the following years. He started drinking, lost his job, and fell further into despair.

One day in particular marked the worst day of her life. Rebecca came home from the grocery store to find him dead in their living room, with a note in his hand that read, “I’m sorry, darlin’. I just couldn’t take it anymore.” Robby was no longer going to feel the pain of not being with the person he was still so in love with. She prayed that Jimmy Baker would suffer for how he hurt the man who’d been her best friend the last two and a half years. He prayers would be answered, but she never got to see it.

After Robby did himself in, he suddenly found himself in the living room standing beside his freshly deceased body. This would have been the most shocking experience in his life were it not for the very dapper, and incredibly attractive, young man sitting on his sofa.

The young man was in clothes nicer than Robby could’ve afforded even when he had a job. His hair was slicked back and looked as if it were made of gold. Even inside, he wore dark sunglasses, so dark that his eyes couldn’t be seen. As shocking as it was to suddenly have this gorgeous stranger in his house, he was oddly at ease because the man sat with his legs crossed, a gentle smile, and his head turned, looking as if he were lost in thought. Just as Robby began to admire this man, he turned to face the poor soul and his smile grew wider.

“Oh! You’re here,” the blond exclaimed, “I don’t mean to sound insensitive, I’ve just really been looking forward to meeting you.”

Robby was stunned, but that didn’t stop him from asking, “I’m pretty sure I just killed myself while I was alone in my house, and you seem like a nice guy, but who are you?”

“Ooh, uh. Okay. Don’t lose your cool, alright? I’m, uh-“ he used his fingers to mime tiny horns on his head. Having anticipated the panic this would cause, he quickly corrected with, “No, no, no, no, no, no, no! I’m not here to take you to Hell! Pinky promise!” And the literal, actual Devil held aloft the pinky of his left hand. Humans were just as easy for him to sedate as they were to intimidate. It was kind of his shtick.

Robby was very confused, as we all would be in this situation. “If you’re the Devil, and I’m not going to Hell, then why are you here? Is this some kind of trick?”

Lucifer sighed and recited the same spiel he gave to everyone he ferried to an afterlife of reward and happiness.

“Okay so crazy story: no religion is right, and yet every religion is right. If you live a life of good, one in which you don’t cause other living things undue pain and suffering, I take you upstairs. If you live a neutral life, not going out of your way to wish harm to others but not doing anything to help, I take you to purgatory. Actively cause harm to others with your words or actions with no regard for their feelings or safety, and eternal damnation is your only option. The thing is that since the Abrahamic faiths got popular, more people have gone to Hell, ironic right? So the people who have seen me in near death experiences and weren’t doing so great were mostly Christians, Jews, and Muslims. As a result, I became the Devil. You could call me Death, Charon, Hermes, Hecate, Mercury, Vanth, Daena, et cetera, I just really love the name Lucifer. You can call me Lu.”

By this point Robby had sat in the chair facing the Angel of Death. This was the most insane thing that had ever happened to him. He had no idea whether he should believe this, well, being. Somehow, though, he found himself beginning to trust him anyway.

“So let me get this straight,” Robby began, confused expression on his face, “even though I committed suicide, I’m not going to Hell? Does that mean I’m going to Purgatory, then? I thought you couldn’t get into Heaven if you killed yourself?”

Lu leaned back, stretched his arms on the back of the couch to each side, and adjusted his crossed legs. “Total bullsh*t. If you kill yourself to escape punishment, yeah. Most suicides are a result of mental disorders or societal pressures, so we don’t punish you for what isn’t your fault. That would be unfair, wouldn’t it?

“Take yourself, for instance. Your suicide was a result of your soulmate telling you that people like you, who don’t have any control over the fact that they are romantically and sexually attracted to the same sex, deserve to be the victims of a genocide backed only by a book that, take it from me, is complete horse sh*t. It was a political tool to manipulate the masses. Actual Jesus was 100% a good guy, but threw more punches than you’d think and wasn’t quite as divine as you’re lead to believe. He was also gay, they just clipped that part out. No, you’ve never done anything to hurt anyone else. You became an alcoholic but never once did any harm to your wife besides worry her because she cared about you. You even apologized to her in that note your corpse is holding. You’re a good guy, Robby Tailor. I mean that.”

This put Robby at ease. Knowing he wasn’t going to suffer eternal damnation was a weight off his shoulders. Being visibly more relaxed, Lu continued.

“And because you’re such a good guy, I have an offer for you. Most people just get in my car and we get going wherever we need to. The exceptionally good ones get a choice: go to Heaven and live eternal bliss or become a guardian angel and spend your time on Earth watching over a particular individual, and when it is their time to go, we’ll see each other again. We don’t have a long time, but you can take a minute to decide. I know it can be a very difficult decision.”

It could be difficult, indeed, but both Robby and Lu knew what choice would be made as soon as the question was asked. It didn’t take Robby any time at all. He knew exactly what he wanted.

“If I become a guardian angel, can I choose who I watch over?” The answer to this question was very important to Robby. It would determine the afterlife he chose.

Lu gave him a grin and said, “No one ever asks that question, Robby. They just don’t. I think I can count maybe a few thousand in all the time I’ve been doing this. Yes, you can choose. You have someone in mind, so let’s pay a visit before you make that choice, shall we?”

Without any warning, they found themselves in a college classroom. It was the seminary, Robby knew that as soon as he saw the person he wanted to protect.

“It’s funny, really,” said Lu. “No one protects the person who caused them the most pain. If you’re sure about this, then we can move forward.” This was met with a nod.

“Okay, obviously there are rules that must be followed. You are bound to him wherever he goes for the remainder of his life. You’ll know his every thought. You’ll never be more than a few feet away from him. You’ll never sleep. You’ll be allowed to steer him away from dangerous situations 3 times, and you will be allowed 1 miracle to save him, but only that. You will, at any time, be allowed to surround him with your love and warmth or take it away, that is entirely at your discretion, but you will not be able to communicate with him or anyone else until the moment of his passing. Knowing these conditions, Robby Tailor, do you agree to take the role of guardian angel to James Ryan Baker, to protect him until he end of his days?”

Robby Tailor looked the Devil in the eye and said “I accept.”

Lu gave a wide, happy smile and stuck out his left hand, which the new angel gladly shook. “Robby Tailor, I wish you the best. We’ll meet again one day, and I look forward to it.

62 years later, Robby had used 2 of his 3 gentle steerings and exactly zero miracles. He sat on the edge of a hospital bed and placed his hand on his love’s leg, performing his only miracle. Jimmy was given just enough strength to overcome the severe cancer and tell his family that he loved them, and that he hoped to see them in Heaven, then he drifted back to sleep. He would not wake up again. A moment later, in the doorway stood a young man with beautiful gold hair, a sleeveless black shirt, skinny jeans, boots, and heart-shaped sunglasses.

“How’ve you been, Lu? You look different than the last time I saw you.” Robby had genuinely missed the Angel of Death, but was sad that they had to meet under these circ*mstances.

“I’ve been just fine. I really love these modern gays. They have such interesting fashion.” He got a smile out of the angel across from him. “I know this is going to be heartbreaking to some degree, but you can’t be here when he dies, Robby.”

Robby gave a sad smile. “I kinda figured. So what now?”

The devil walked over and sat in front of him, legs ‘criss cross applesauce’ style, but floating in the air instead of sitting on the ground. “Well, you get to say goodbye, but that’s just closure for you. He won’t know because of his condition. Even if he wasn’t sick, he’s not going anywhere good, so he wouldn’t be entitled to his final goodbye from the person who loved him most anyway. Whether you do or don’t, you get the same choice you had 60 years ago: go to Heaven or remain a guardian angel. Do you have anyone in mind?” They both knew he’d choose the role of protector again. It was part of who he was at the core of his soul.

“I don’t have anyone in particular, but I want to watch over kids who were like me. I want to be there for the boys and girls who can’t help who they love. Even taking care of one kid at a time is better than letting still more of them end up like me. Is that an option?”

“It is. Let’s meet your next charge.”

From then on, until no child had to be afraid because of who they would love, Robby Tailor would protect one child at a time. Every time one of his children would pass (thanks to him it was almost always at an old age), the two angels would greet each other as friends.

Dear Neighbor

I can’t hate you because you’re crazy,

I’ve hallucinated, too.

I want to hate you because you’re stupid

When my shower fills with poo.

I took the chair inside

Cause it’s weird to find you there.

I just had to report your ass

So I don’t pull out all my hair.

It’s The Little Things, Part 2

“James. Jimmy. I cannot believe you didn’t get close to this one. Do you remember Robby Tailor? You were 17?”

This was the moment Lu was waiting for. In that moment James pieced together what he’d done, the horror plain as day on his face.

“Ah, Hell yeah! This is sooooo my favorite part. You remember how you and Robby were on the fast track of becoming friends, and you had just decided to listen to your father and live a Godly life? You remember how it was during a time when hom*osexuals were all over the news, so you talked about it all the time? You remember how he asked you what you think should be done about it. You replied that they should all be stoned because God was clear about that. You guys started drifting apart a few weeks later. 3 years go by and he commits suicide. He’s in heaven, by the way. The worst part is that you suppressed it in such a way that you missed out on genuine happiness. Far more than the life you had. He was going to fall in love with you and open your eyes to the nature of the love my brother preached. Unconditional love. When you told him he needed to die, he knew he had to get away from you so he wouldn’t tempt you and risk your soul. Then he tried to hide it and marry some poor girl. He becomes an alcoholic, and one day she comes home and finds herself a widow. She had just turned 20, he had just turned 21, and these are what they were dealt because of an off-handed comment promoting the violent murder, nay extermination of a group of people just because you don’t like how they love and f*ck. It only gets better because if you’d have let yourself be gay, he’d have lived a lot longer, and you both would have been happier. But you killed him. You planted a parasitic seed in his mind that was the death of him. You might as well have been there to kill him yourself, either way you’re to blame.”

James couldn’t speak, he couldn’t move, all he could do was let a single tear roll down his face.

“James Ryan Baker, you stand here charged with multiple counts of negligence toward the wellbeing of others, including causing one person, your soul mate, to take his own life. How do you plea?”

Before he could make his plea, he found himself strapped to a table in a room that was empty save for a tv in the corner and a cabinet on the left. He thought he might be alone until he heard a voice, Evan’s.

“You know, one of my many talents is, like Lucifer, my ability to transform my body. Your file had lots of pictures to choose from.”

With that he stepped into James’ line of sight, but it wasn’t Evan. It was Robby Tailor, with coal black eyes. Then he spoke again, but with Robby’s voice. “Hi James. Are you ready to get started? I know I am!”

There are countless ways one can be punished in the afterlife, just as there are countless ways to be rewarded. From that moment until the end of time, a hom*ophobe with such disregard for the feelings of others would be tormented in more ways than there are stars in the sky. The lesson here, kids, is that no matter how you differ with someone, unless they have intentionally caused harm to others, to wish for their death is senseless. It is the same in every way as if we were to put toddlers in front of a row of rifles because taking candy out of the jar is a no-no. By wishing harm on others for reasons that won’t hold any significance after your death, you’re bringing sorrow into their lives and yours. The key to happiness, then, is to let others be happy, and help them get there. Otherwise you might find yourself face-to-face with the most dramatic of the Angels, that super annoying twink, Lu.

It’s The Little Things, Part 1

James Baker had always been a man of God. Raised in the Pentecostal Church, he became a preacher man just like his father. He had worked hard to ensure that his family, his community, and his country followed God’s law as outlined in the Holy Scriptures.

At the age of 73, he found himself in a hospice bed riddled with cancer. The last words he spoke to his family were “I love you, and I hope to see you with me in the Kingdom of God.” He would pass away that night in his sleep.

He knew that he was dead, but something was wrong. He wasn’t standing in front of the pearly gates, he was standing by his hospital bed, watching his wife and three daughters cry.

He tried to rest a hand on his wife’s shoulder in a gesture of comfort, but nearly fell as his ghostly form passed right through her material body. There was nothing at all he could do to ease their emotional suffering.

Just as he was wondering what was going on, the earth began to shake, though none of the living people seemed to be aware of it. James stared in awe at the depression forming in the floor, cracking the tiles as it grew deeper. All at once, the debris fell through the newly created hole, and seconds later he jumped backward in surprise. A geyser of lava shot up through the hole in the floor, stretching up into infinity.

Ten seconds passed, but James in his total fear would have said it was ten years, before a figure strolled casually out from the pillar of molten rock. James didn’t know the term for what he was looking at beyond “fa*ggot” or “hom*osexual”, but the young man who had appeared before him was most definitely a twink.

The boy was somewhere around 5’8”, and thin as could be. His hair looked as if it were made of gold, and was trimmed short on the sides. The hair on top was whipped into frenzied, yet somehow perfectly neat waves. He sported black, heart-shaped sunglasses, a black tank top with the word “Daddy” written across the chest in a font that seemed to be melting, a pair of tight fitting skinny jeans, and combat boots. Needless to say, James Baker was without words.

“So you’re Jimmy Jackass, right?” The young man definitely sounded like a flamboyant hom*osexual- high pitched, sing-songy, and with a slight lisp. James did not answer vocally, only nodding his head in affirmation.

“I know it’s probably a little off putting, me showing up here the way I did. What can I say? I love a production.” With that, he smiled. His perfectly white teeth were just a little too pointed. Definitely not human.

James finally spoke. “What is going on here? Who are you?”

The boy pretended to process James’ words, as if he really had to think about it, before replying, “Well, you’re dead, obviously. And honestly, you should know who I am. I literally showed up in fire and brimstone. You humans are so dumb. I’m Lucifer, bearer of light, the Devil, Satan, Beelzebub, et cetera. You can call me Lu.”

James stood stock still, the expression on his face would have indicated such severe dissociation that his soul left his body if his soul had not literally left his body already. How could this be? He never drank, or smoked, or cursed. He nurtured and cared for his family, never once abusing them. He was loved by his congregation and the food pantry he volunteered with. By all accounts, he had lived his life with the Bible in one hand and his wife’s hand in the other.

Seeing the hopeless expression on the sinner’s face, Lucifer laughed. “You’re probably wondering how you could possibly be meeting me instead of God, right? What could you have done wrong? Well, Jimmy, what you did wrong is looking you in the face.”

“Wh-what do you mean?” Even outside of his physical body, his heart was beating at a pace that, were he hooked up to an EEG, it would probably be confused for a-systole. “How could this be my mortal sin?”

Lucifer lowered his head so that his eyes could be seen over the black, heart-shaped sunglasses he was wearing. Never before had James seen the sulphur-yellow eyes of a demon. This was really the Devil, wasn’t it?

“Let me answer your question with a few of my own. Don’t worry, you don’t have to answer verbally. We both know the answers already.”

Lucifer was right. They would know the answers. James didn’t like where this was going at all. He prayed, silently, that this was some kind of test of his faith. He prayed for God to guide him. What James didn’t know is that once a person dies and is to be ferried (or in this case, “fairied”) to Hell, God does the equivalent of blocking your number. God wouldn’t help him, God was going to abandon him.

“Do you believe that the Bible alone contains the perfect moral code? Do you believe that your faith is the one true faith, and that all the non-believers get to meet this gorgeous mug? Do you believe that men are the providers and women belong in the home? Do you believe that even if a woman is raped, the pregnancy throws her into alternating panic and despair from the resulting trauma, then finds out that giving birth will kill her as well as the child, that she should still be denied an abortion? Do you believe that the men and women who fought and died for your country are going to hell just because it isn’t a “Christian Nation” anymore? Do you believe that snakes are evil just ‘cause I supposedly talked a lady into eating a fruit? Do you believe that hom*osexuals, bisexuals, or any other non-heterosexual individuals are impure and deserve my tender loving care on that basis alone?”

James had to admit that when framed like that, it sounded horrible. But this was Satan. His two talents were convincing people to sin and convincing them they’re sinners, right? He was sure this was a test now.

“Yes,” James replied, trying to rely on the faith that landed him in this situation in the first place, “I do believe those things. The Lord God, the Almighty, Loving Father has said so, and I must believe in His Wisdom, which he shares with us in His Word, the Bible.”

If you’ve ever seen someone choke down a laugh, imagine that but put the Dark Prince, the King of Demons, the most feared being in the place that is literally designed to be painful and scary, doing that. That’ll kill your ego faster than a bullet. James tried not to show it, but already he was falling apart, little by little.

“Wow. I haven’t met one of you yet that had the balls to stand up to me. Then again, I tailor the costume to each of you. It’s the highlight of my day when I get to watch them realize the exact moment in their life that sealed their fate. Yours is gonna be f*cking fantastic. How about we play a little game? Get in.”

James was once again flabbergasted when he found the two of them outside the hospital beside a parked candy apple red Mini Cooper, complete with vanity plate: “FLAMING” in a font that looked like, well, fire. Unfortunately for James, no matter how much he consciously tried to stay put, his “body” seemed to have a mind of its own, puppeteering him into a car he could swear he had no business in. He did not like the fuzzy pink everything, he did not like the fact that he was in a car that Lucifer was driving, and he did not like the music about being born whatever way. He could not understand why he couldn’t stop himself from playing along. Had God really forgotten him? (Spoiler Alert: The answer is yes.)

The game, James found out, was to guess your worst offense before you arrive at the check-in desk. If you do, you get an hour to make peace with your fate. If you don’t, he will tell you. And as soon as the weight of your sin hits you the torture begins. He could not possibly have done anything to deserve this. Another test. He wondered what he had to do to pass, and for an instant he wondered if he could.

James did feel he had some kind of advantage in that he could decide what memory he would parrot to Lucifer. “Was it the time I told Momma it was the dog that ate those cookies when I was 9?”

The boyish demon gave a gentle grin and said, “Oh, Jimmy. It would never be something so bland and benign. Guess again.” With that, the road ahead of them cracked and caved, and Satan drove them down the broken road. Strangely enough, the ramp-like section was maybe twenty feet long, maximum, but since they went sub-surface it had somehow stretched into a long highway. All the way down it was scorching desert with sporadic skeletons and the occasional crow. In the distance you can see that the highway leads to what looks like a city on fire.

“How about the time I told Susie Day that I swore I didn’t see anything that time I accidentally walked in on her changing while I was at her brother’s house when I was 13?” Okay, he vaguely remembered that. What made that bad, he wondered? He should have said “I’m sorry that I caused you distress when I accidentally walked in, I know that is very uncomfortable and I want you to know that I never want to put you in a situation that makes you uncomfortable” instead of “Oh, calm down Susie! I didn’t even see anything!”

The devil, in his twink body, smiled bigger, but he was starting to look different. He was starting to change, but James couldn’t quite pin down what it was.

“Hm. Moved up to ‘caused someone undue emotional stress and then blamed them’ from ‘blame it on the dog’. I like where this is headed. Go fish.”

James didn’t understand why that was bad, but it didn’t matter. He could whip out his childhood white lies for at least a few days, if that’s all he ever did wrong.

“What about when I was 16 and told that girl I loved her so she’d sleep with me? That was a nasty break up.” He wasn’t perfect, he hadn’t really done anything wrong though because she agreed to it, right? Wrong. When he gets a turn in the solitary sensory deprivation pit for a millennium or two he’ll get to realize what was wrong. He had used something he knew someone was vulnerable to in order to get what he wanted. He baited her, deceived her, and manipulated her for selfish gain and something she took more seriously than he did.

Lu’s features were becoming exaggerated. He was morphing into some nightmarish caricature of the fragile looking kid that he had met just minutes ago. The grin was now just too large to be natural, his teeth looked sharper somehow, and James could swear that horns were starting to grow through his hair. He hoped that was it, he might only have one chance, and he was losing faith that this was a test that God wanted him to overcome.

“Excellent use of coercion. You put your needs above others then didn’t you?” The Devil chuckled, and even his laughter had become exaggerated and unnerving. “We’re getting close, Jimmy. This might be your last chance. For the opportunity to collect yourself for one solid hour before we send you off to Damnation Station, what is the most vile thing you’ve ever done?”

James was suddenly aware that it was his steadfastness to his beliefs that got him here. Maybe it wasn’t something he did consciously. How many things could he have done or said that he simply wasn’t aware of? He was doomed, but had one more shot. All or nothing.

“There was the time that I walked right by that nerd that bully was beating up, but I don’t step into fights because I’m a pacifist, and I figured the kid would just get a couple bruises. All I saw was some shoving and a slap or two. I had no idea he was gonna end up with broken bones, but would Jesus have traded blows with a bully?”

The whole world went silent, save for the chilling intake of breath and relaxed sigh of a satisfied monster.

“Actually, yes. He would. And he did a couple times, they just left those bits out. I usually let you all figure these ones out on your own since you’ve got all the time in the world, but this one is gold. You wouldn’t have had to do much. That bully was afraid of you, you were bigger and stronger and the preacher’s son. You could have told him to scram and that nerd would have nothing worse than a slightly puffy cheek and a bruised shoulder. But you didn’t intervene. Your rationale wasn’t even pacifism at the time, you fossil. Your rationale was that your abusive asshole father would beat the piss out of you for getting in the middle of something that didn’t concern you. But- you’re out of time, Jimmy. Good game. Get out.”

They had pulled up to a massive gate of twisted wrought-iron. A huge sign that looked like it was painted with blood that said “Check-In” was pointing to the right side of the gate, where it met with the stone wall reminiscent of gothic cathedrals that surrounded the massive city. As Lu walked him to the desk, there was a spring in his step and he hummed a haunting melody.

At the desk was probably another demon, but this one (as James may or may not find out at some point in the infinite future) was a ghoulish looking Leather Daddy. Complete with leather everything and a sketchy 1970s mustache. As they approached, he greeted them with a deep bow.

“Hello, my Lord. What do you require of me? I will gladly d-“ he was cut off.

“Skip the formalities, Evan. This one didn’t guess. Pull up his file.” He flashed a look at the devastated soul that said the Devil’s favorite moment is finally here. “Baker, James. 73 years old. From BFE.”

Evan looked up from the computer screen (yeah, they have computers, too, it’s the 21st century) with absolute glee in his dead, black eyes. “sh*t. I can’t believe I get to witness one this brutal. Thank you, my Lord.”

Without acknowledging his servant’s excitement, Lucifer dove into the monologue that would crush the last bit of hope James Baker had left, the speech that would thrust him into his eternal torment.

To be continued.....

I’m a dumbass who stayed up all night.

I did it ‘cause I like to write.

I finished my draft

It’s probably crap

But that’s perfectly okay,

CAUSE THE NEXT POST IS GONNA BE GAY

Don’t Judge A Dragon By Her Cover

She rockets through the sky,

Fast and fierce, and up so high.

Her wings fold in,

The dive begins.

At just the right time her jaws snap shut,

Her wings stretch out, and she pulls up.

She gobbles her prey with fierce desire;

For it will serve to fuel her fire.

Upwards and onwards again she soars,

But now releases thunderous roars.

The gemstone serpent unhinges her jaw,

A geyser of flame erupts from her maw.

Though her attack is precise with only one target,

The iridescent Fury sparks panic at the market.

But just as soon as she came, she was done,

Riding waves of victory into the sun.

The castle’s in rubble, for survivors you dig.

You thank her for her service, her impact was big:

She only killed the king, that chauvinist pig.

First post?

So I’m probably just gonna like. Freestyle the first actual writing project on here. I have a really fun one I’m working on that I’ll probably have ready to go in the next day or so! And with this, the unending agony of my sh*tty writing begins...